Someone on my team sent an email to senior management because they disagreed with a decision that was being made. They felt they hadn’t been consulted, and that the facts they’d raised hadn’t been addressed. I understood why they were frustrated. I also thought the way they’d written the email made it easier to react to the tone than to deal with the point.
When we sat down, I asked what had frustrated them and why they’d sent it when they did. That helped me understand what they wanted from the email: a chance to be heard and a proper discussion of the evidence. I could see why it mattered to them, and I told them plainly how I thought the email might land.
We agreed on a 24-hour rule. If the issue could wait and they were still frustrated, they’d give themselves a day before replying. The next day, they could still say they disagreed. They could set out the facts they thought were missing and ask for a chance to discuss them.
I’ve given vague feedback myself. “Be more thoughtful in how you communicate” is easy to say, but what is someone supposed to do with that the next time they’re staring at an email they really want to send? Here, we could talk about an actual email and agree on something to try next time.
Someone on my team once told me, “I like that you say it how it is without dancing around the issue.” I appreciated that. In this case, the kind thing was to take the concern seriously enough to listen, then be honest about what might stop others from hearing it.